Parenting Place 07 (Love and Limits)

Parenting Place

Season 1 Episode 07

People often think that love and limits are opposite to each other, but in reality, love and limits work really well together. The great thing is, when we use love as a tool to set and follow through with limits, our kids will feel loved and safe.

Episodes

01 - Parenting Place 01 (Atmosphere)

Sometimes, the atmosphere in our homes is inherited or simply happens at random because we are not intentional about creating it. Making a point of choosing to creative a fun, warm and loving place for your family to live, is something you can do now, that your children will remember throughout their adult years. The great thing about making a change is this space is that you can do it today!

02 - Parenting Place 02 (Building Resiliency)

Building resilience isn't easy, not for children OR for us parents - we often want to jump right in and fix everything! Unfortunately, life isn't always soft, kind or easy, even for our kids. They will face challenges regularly. However, as a parent one thing we can do to help our kids build resilience is to step aside (not away) when our kids face a problem. We can be there to listen and encourage, but remember, to foster resilience, we must resist the urge to fix everything.

03 - Parenting Place 03 (Debriefing)

Kids sometimes need help to talk openly about some of the hard stuff they are experiencing. In order for our kids to feel safe and ready to chat, we often have to talk about the not so important stuff first. This may sometimes feel like we are wasting time... we assume we need to get to the important stuff right now! But remember, when we chat about sport, music or other things our kids are interested in, we are opening the door to building a trusting relationship with our children.

04 - Parenting Place 04 (Emotional Tank)

Looking after yourself is really important, especially as a parent with children who rely on you. if you get too tired and burnt out, then all the other areas you are trying to protect may crumble as well. In order to be the best parent you can be, it's vital that you take some time to top up your emotional tank.

05 - Parenting Place 05 (Family Culture)

Culture helps kids build their sense of identity. Family culture is different and unique for each family. For some families it may be the way that you celebrate Christmas, the activities you do together, how you welcome visitors, or the way you enjoy a meal together. All of these activities help to define the sense of aroha within your family unit and also provide a great way to make long lasting memories that will be cherished forever!

06 - Parenting Place 06 (Good Enough)

You know the scene, that vision we have of all those other families out there who just always seem cool, calm and collected. How come their kids always seem like angels and ours look like a pack of zoo animals? In reality, it's not just our family that is sometimes a bit chaotic, all families are like this at one point or another. The key is remembering that sometimes, good enough is good enough. Other times, we might want to step back and look at how we can instigate change.

07 - Parenting Place 07 (Love and Limits)

08 - Parenting Place 08 (Loving Discipline)

Discipline is sometimes misunderstood. It's important to remember that when we talk about discipline, it is not about whacking or yelling. The discipline we are referring to is more about training. Think of the concept of having discipline when you are training to improve in something. This is the way discipline should be used - as a way of showing our kids that we love them and we are helping them to become the best they can be.

09 - Parenting Place 09 (Parent Styles)

There are three main Parenting Styles discussed in the Toolbox video. They are: 1. Sergeant Major Parenting: lots of rules, not many reasons for the rules, and no emotional connection. 2. Jellyfish Parenting: lots of love, but very few rules, or an inability to enforce rules. 3. The Parent Coach: the child is treated with love and respect while also being expected to take some responsibility for their actions.

10 - Parenting Place 10 (Parent Vision)

What is parent vision? Parent vision is the amazing ability YOU have to see beyond the big emotions and bad behaviour of your child and recognise that they are awesome!

11 - Parenting Place 11 (Parenting That Fits)

Wouldn't it be great if there was a one-size-fits-all way to parent? Instead, we all have children who are unique - even between our own children there can be huge differences! The best parenting tools will only become really useful when we fine tune their use to the context of our own family.

12 - Parenting Place 12 (Personalities)

We all live with lots of different personalities both and home and in our workplaces. It is an interesting activity to step back and have a think about the personalities you have in your own family. Sometimes they might just affect the way we interact with each other.

13 - Parenting Place 13 (Play – Pre-School Years)

Preschoolers love to play. They love to get dirty, touch things, make messes and enjoy running around in imaginary lands. All of these are wonderful ways for our kids to grow and develop. We do not need to spend lots of money on fancy toys to engage our kids in creative play. The best thing we can do is join in and enjoy this time together - that is what our kids want most of all!

14 - Parenting Place 14 (Play)

Sometimes we get really serious as parents, especially when our kids start to hit the teenage years. It's important that we remember how important it is for our kids to play, and for us to join in and have fun too.

15 - Parenting Place 15 (Reflective Listening)

Listening is so much harder than talking! Being able to listen is such an important skill to have as a parent. Reflective listening is a brilliant way to help your child figure out their own solutions to problems and a great way to build trust too. Your child will know you really are tuned in fully to what they are saying when you use reflective listening.

17 - Parenting Place 17 (Technology Withdrawal Shock)

Our kids are growing up in a very technology rich world. This is very different to the world we grew up in as parents, and sometimes we might find this a little hard to relate to. It's helpful to remember that the enjoyment we get from sitting down with a nice hot drink is quite similar to the way our kids feel when they are using technology. It's our job as parents to help our kids navigate the big feelings they might encounter in this space, just like any other area of life.

18 - Parenting Place 18 (The Most Important Thing)

Although it doesn't always feel like it, YOU are the most important thing in your child's life. Parenting can be hard and it's important that you also value taking care of yourself in the midst of taking care of everyone else. Make the time - you will come back from whatever it is you do feeling refreshed, and ready to be a better partner and parent.

19 - Parenting Place 19 (The Reassurance Thing)

We ALL seem to worry about our kids. We worry about worrying about our kids. We worry about not worrying enough about our kids. Sometimes when we go to our friends, we get 'expert advice' that only adds to our worry. It helps to know we all worry too much sometimes!

21 - Parenting Place 21 (V of Love)

The V in the word LOVE is a great illustration of how we can use rules to show our love. The sides of the V represent the rules we use to keep our kids safe... they widen out as our kids get older. As parents, it's our job to make sure we don't make the V too wide, or too tight, instead keeping it somewhere in the middle so our kids are safe and know they are loved.

22 - Parenting Place 22 (What Does Love Do For Our Kids)

We each have an imaginary cord of love that connects our children to us. We make this cord stronger by weaving in extra strands of love. As our kids grow, the cord may be stretched and it may become longer, but it should never break. This love connection is what makes our kids feel safe and secure.

23 - Parenting Place 23 (Will and Won’t Power)

Self-control is a skill we all struggle with. We see this play out in the way our kids fight over toys, demand something to eat, and yell at their brother or sister. There are lots of opportunities to help our kids in the space of impulse control as they are growing up. Delayed gratification is an excellent skill for our kids to learn and one they will use throughout their adult lives.

24 - Parenting Place 24 (Your Mental Health)

Our own mental health is vitally important. Often we think we have to look after everyone else and somehow forget we need to take care of ourselves too, especially our mental health. It impacts everyone in our family when we don't. Remember, it's okay to ask for help.